Desert Island Dream

I'm Cait. I'm 21.
I am for suicide prevention, gay rights, love, being a nerd and tea.
Talk to me. I promise I am always here to listen.
My ask is open.

Trigger warning on content in this blog. Also NSFW. Like... not safe at all

You know what is fun that honestly shouldn’t be?

Crying off your make-up.

To the point where it leaves black streaks down your face.

I don’t wear make-up that often. And so when I wear it and happen to cry this really amuses me.

(I’m okay, by the way. As okay as you can be whilst crying your make-up off).

You know your emotions are REALLY fucked…

When you write that post…

Check your email…

And you literally got your email the second you post that.

AND YOU START CRYING.
Holy shit… I need to stop crying.

This depression needs to go away. It’s killing me.

BUT… We won’t get access until mid-August at the earliest. COOL!

I can feel it coming…

I hate that I can feel the depression coming. I can feel it hanging over me… Making it hard to sleep at night and wake up in the morning. That’s how it starts, the trouble sleeping and waking up.
Then it’s the sadness for no reason. Well, I guess there is a reason. Crying over small things. Crying over nothing.

Crying just because I feel like I really need to cry.

And I know all of this is happening, but it feels like I can’t fight it. Or maybe I can’t? Or maybe just the fact I realize all of this means that I’m already fighting so much harder than I ever thought I could.

Dan wants me to take a walk today. He thinks it will do me some good. I agree. And yet most of me just wants to curl up into a ball and sob under the covers for the rest of the day.

I’m just so lucky to have him… because he knows so well what to say. I just wish he was here.

Why Am I Crying?

Nothing is wrong right now…

When I’m feeling lonely listening to Not Alone from A Very Potter Musical is very lovely.

And the crying will stop.